A couple watches a movie together. They reminisce about their dating days while watching romance films and worry about the future while watching parenting films. Horror films provide a good excuse for rare physical affection, and action films serve as excellent manuals for learning the art of marital disputes. Even when watching the same movie, husbands and wives think differently. Since they have different favorite genres, it seems there will be no problem with movie preferences. -Editor's Note-
“At this rate, the baby will grab a smartphone at the first birthday party.”
This was a conversation that came up while chatting with postpartum care center friends. When a baby reaches the age where they can grab things on their own, they become interested in their mom's smartphone. A smartphone or a remote control. Isn't it said that children are mirrors of their parents? Babies who watch their parents using smartphones or watching TV will naturally become interested in these things. And this is a common interest among babies not just in Korea, but worldwide. Our baby also shows great interest in these two items, and every time it happens, my heart feels heavy with guilt.
Of course, I don't (intentionally) show the smartphone. I don't (always) keep the TV on. Preventing media exposure has become a parental duty at some point. The World Health Organization (WHO) and the American Academy of Pediatrics provide clear guidelines on media exposure for infants and toddlers. These organizations recommend completely avoiding media exposure for children under two years old. We also restrict media for our baby, but... every time, guilt washes over me again.
Mom and Dad are already addicted to media..
Can we really impose restrictions on our child when we, as parents, can't quit media? It was only after having a baby that I started thinking about the dangers of smartphones. That's when I watched <The Social Dilemma>. It's a 2020 documentary film directed by Jeff Orlowski, produced in the United States.
We start and end our days with a smartphone in hand. But this film tells us how this familiar technology can manipulate our choices and even shake the social structure.
The film begins with interviews of former employees from Google, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and more. Even the creator of Facebook's 'Like' button and a former president of Pinterest participated. And they say, “We thought it was for good...”. “We only saw one side of the coin.” “No one intended these results.”
Their revelations can be somewhat dangerous. The gist is that the technologies nurtured by IT companies are harmful to humans. They claim their former companies are building a massive market where humans are traded as commodities. Humans being traded? Wasn't it just about developing their apps to sell well on smartphones?
They say all our online activities are monitored, tracked, and accumulated. Even how long we look at certain images when we open an app is recorded. Based on this, they infer our personalities. Whether we are introverted or extroverted, how lonely we feel. They have more information about us than we can imagine.
Come to think of it, my husband and I's Instagram feeds are filled with 'baby' content. At first, it was fascinating. We looked at baby feeds a few times while raising our child, and they kept showing up? I remember being excited and clicking, and it gives me chills. The same goes for search engines. Since we buy a lot of baby products, baby-related pop-ups appear everywhere. My husband and I were just amazed. But the film says this is 'quite' scary.
These IT companies monitor our online activities and accumulate data. Based on this accumulated data, they predict our behavior. They are creating increasingly accurate models. And they insert ads in between. Perhaps this is their ultimate goal.
The film shows a case where a man, distracted by his girlfriend, doesn't look at his phone. For such a man, IT companies show an app to entice him to click. “Your friend Tyler joined the app, welcome him.” An alert pops up, and the man immediately touches his phone. Then the IT company shows a post from a woman he likes and exclaims. Ready to watch ads. Now let's show a wax ad!
Come to think of it.. too many baby product ads..
Applying this to our couple, it was surprisingly something we experienced just a few days ago. An alert popped up for me, who wasn't looking at my phone because of the baby. “Someone you might know ___ is using Instagram.” The profile picture was of OO Mom, with whom I exchanged contact information at a cultural center recently. I immediately touched my phone, accessed it, and browsed the feed. And the baby cooler bag I only searched for but didn't buy recently appeared in an ad. What? 80% off? The order closes soon? Seeing myself ordering as if possessed, the IT company must have exclaimed. “Yay! Caught one!”
Smartphones are designed extremely to change our behavior. They make it impossible for users to stop scrolling. Like pulling a slot machine lever. Why doesn't the photo your friend tagged you in appear in the notification? It touches the deep parts of human psychology. ‘Ha.. I want to click’.
In messengers, typing is shown in real-time as '...' ellipses. This prevents users from leaving the app. How can you leave the app when you're curious about what they're saying? Thus, we became lab rats. And they managed to extract users' real behaviors and emotions without anyone knowing. They exploited the vulnerable aspects of human psychology.
What about our child
While watching the film, a thought kept occurring. If immature children experience what we adults go through, wouldn't it have an even greater negative impact? And as if reading my mind, the next part of the film shows the lives of teenagers.
The film shows a family dinner scene. The mother says, “Let's put our phones in a lockable container for an hour and eat. Let's talk too.” The children reluctantly hand over their phones. But the phones' alerts keep ringing. The children glance at their phones while talking. Then bang! The daughter breaks the container and takes out her phone, heading to her room.
Of course, the kids say it's no big deal. They say the phone is just a device and won't change their lives. But the child waiting for 'likes' looks anxious.
Social media has deeply penetrated the brainstem, dominating children's self-esteem and identity. They decorate themselves with filtered cameras but lack the mental maturity to handle criticism from others. Of course, we evolved to care about others' criticism. But did we evolve to recognize criticism from 10,000 people? We didn't evolve to seek social approval every five minutes. Teenagers are even less capable of handling it.
The film also highlights this seriousness with statistics. It says depression and anxiety among American teenagers have increased significantly. This started between 2011 and 2013, during which 100,000 teenage girls self-harmed and were hospitalized annually. The suicide rate also increased during this period. This was when social media usage increased.
Is this okay
Even while writing this article, I looked at my phone dozens of times. I scrolled dozens of times, just as their revelations said. Can I really restrict smartphone use for my child?
And ding! dong! The phone alert rings. I unconsciously grab my phone again. I sigh once more after watching the reels my husband sent. We're like this... what can we teach our child! Sigh!
It's a troubling night.
